I have successfully completed my second semester of grad school, although my summer break is not entirely free as there are still a few summer classes that I am required to take. Once these classes are over, I will have exactly one more year remaining until I complete my program.
This semester has been incredibly demanding in terms of workload. I had four classes that were both engaging and time-consuming. Additionally, I started interning at a victim advocacy center, where I worked with clients, and I officially began working at my university's Career Center.
The semester seemed to fly by, but at one point, I reached a breaking point, where I lost a significant amount of the passion and motivation that led me to this program. Classes didn’t seem so interesting to me anymore and despite seeing clients and working in an organization I was really interested in I felt less excited and uninspired some days.
These issues were not related to my program or the organization I was working with; they were personal struggles. I felt like a robotic task-completing machine, going through the motions day after day. My coursework went from being engaging to merely aiming for good grades. My internship became a mere checkbox to fulfill the program's requirements. These superficial motivations led to a series of burnouts. However, toward the end of the semester, I experienced an epiphany that prompted me to ask myself crucial questions, one of them was:
"Chisom, are you taking these classes and doing all this work just for the grades?"
Initially, my answer was yes, as I did value good grades. But then, I asked myself a follow-up question:
"Did you pursue this program solely for the grades?"
Answering this question required deep reflection, and it took some time for me to arrive at an answer. I embarked on a reflective and existential journey, tracing all the decisions that led me to pursue this field and enroll in my chosen program. I also contemplated why I chose the particular site where I am currently interning.
During this process, I recalled what my professor had told me two semesters ago about dealing with imposter syndrome: "Remember your why?"
“Your why, your underlying motivation, can help you rise above feelings of being an imposter.”
Even though the semester was coming to an end, I made a conscious decision to approach my final assignments and the remaining weeks of my practicum from a place that extended beyond merely achieving high grades (although that remains important). I am driven by a deeper motivation that is connected to my career goals.
One of the ways I achieved this was by completing an assignment that involved analyzing mental health care for hypothetical clients. One of my motivations for being in this field comes from my desire to provide mental health support to Nigerians, therefore, I took the opportunity to write a paper outlining my approach to initiating family therapy with a fictional Nigerian family from one of my favorite books, "Purple Hibiscus" by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. In the paper, I explained how I would establish the foundations of therapeutic engagement and tailor the interventions to address the unique cultural and psychological aspects of the Nigerian context portrayed in the book.
So yes, while I intend and desire to get good grades my motivation extends beyond just grades. I am focused on achieving deeper and longlasting goals
To learn more about my why follow this link below on my reflections from thanksgiving break where I pondered
Chisom, you are the best. You have been my inspiration this semester. I truly value how thoughtful and passionate you are. It has been an absolute honor for me to be on this journey with you. Yesterday, I said something similar to my mom. Last semester, I felt like a hamster that keeps running on a wheel not going anywhere. Actually, you were the one who got me out of there. Thank you for being my awesome friend:)