This semester was everything I prayed for. I got matched with an advisor whose work I admire, and started working in her lab. I’m volunteering for an organization I’ve been dreaming of being a part of for a while. So far so good right?… Wrong
Ever since I started grad school, I’ve struggled with this feeling that maybe I’m not cut out for everything I want to do. I felt like I was not meant to be here, in my program, in the lab
Even though, I have been doing pretty well in school. My work in the lab has been great too. I still felt inadequate and this feeling birthed a lack of motivation in my work.
Early on in the semester when these feelings started I asked a professor whose work I admire how he dealt with this feeling. He told me that remembering why he pursues the work he does helps him to cope with these feelings.
I haven’t had time to reflect on this deeply but recently I did. A week before our thanksgiving break, I started reflecting on my why. Mostly, cause I needed the motivation to get through the semester. This is because a lot of the final assignments in my classes are reflection-based.
Thankfully I was able to pause during the thanksgiving break additionally, I found what I believe were signs from God that led me to fully understand my “why” for entering this field and pursuing goals and aspirations related to it.
This Thanksgiving break I went to my Uncle and Aunt’s house in Michigan and I found this gem in my uncle’s library (He’s a psychiatrist) It’s titled “Black Skin, White Coats: Nigerian Psychiatrists, Decolonization and the Globalization of Psychiatry”
As an aspiring mental health professional who plans on working with Nigerians living in Nigeria and other non-western countries/communities, I felt inspired seeing this book. Most books on mental health interventions are very western based, it was beautiful to find one that not just focused on Nigerians but also on creating interventions that are decolonized and not western centered.
Prior to Thanksgiving as part of my search for motivation, I found a book I bought before grad school here it is below. The title is self-explanatory. I’m interested in working with survivors of gender-based violence so this book re-ignited that interest further. It’s titled “ A practical guide for the psychotherapist: Abused Women and Survivor Therapy”
In addition to these books, I also had a long layover for my trip to Michigan and back to school. My trip to Michigan and back to school and these books allowed me to reflect on my “why”.
I decided to pursue this profession because, there’s a great need for mental health care in non-western communities like mine (Nigeria). Also, more still needs to be done to help survivors of abuse and their loved ones. This is my “Why” Sometimes with all the busyness of grad school and honestly life, I forget but not anymore.
Right now I am back in school and I feel more motivated than ever, more sure of myself than I have ever been. I am getting back to school work but from a place of rest and motivation.
Grad school diaries is a series, I’m doing on the newsletter where I will be sharing reflections on grad school life. Feel free to check out my previous entry on grad school diaries entry 1
Great and inspiring. This will really help the youth. Thanks for sharing
This is an awesome write-up. Truly reflection is a platform for motivation and of course motivation aids our giving back to the society.